My mom told me that I’ve started writing long before I can read well. For me, this creative outlet chose me and not the other way around. It is the only thing I do when I feel so much emotion in my heart. I knew I had to incorporate this personal touch on my blog in addition to the technical travel guides.
I wrote this story right after my encounter with Sentar in 2022, but it got lost in the void when my old laptop made an unexpected reboot. There has always been a voice telling me to write about the encounter again, and it wouldn’t shut until it gets it out there.
So three years later, let me introduce you to Sentar, our first feature story in this blog.
10-Hour Bus Ride from Chiang Mai
Loi Krathong has just finished and I am now on a 10-hour bus ride from Chiang Mai to Bangkok. All my travel friends have gone to different destinations and I was all alone. My original plan was to go farther north to a popular hippie town called “Pai,” but my travel fling – the first one I ever had – has just booked a flight to Bangkok and wants to meet again. This was the same guy I met in Malaysia a few weeks ago who started posting another girl on his Instagram stories. Funny.
There’s no doubt I would cancel my travel plans and take a 12-hour bus to meet him again because this is my first-ever taste of travel lovebug. There is a rush of excitement coming from knowing we are not going to go anywhere, and that makes it more fun. Him talking about science, his dark eyes, dark hair, and boyish smile were enough to make me instantly book an uncomfortable overnight bus ride to Bangkok. Oh to be this young and naive.
Incognito Parcel Delivery
The bus left the station at around 3 pm. The seat was narrow and barely had any space left to stretch my long legs as a 173 cm woman. So, I really did not bother to care who I was sitting next to. I was already in an uncomfortable position and starting the usual self introduction to a stranger was out of the question.
The ride was taking longer than expected and I wondered why the driver stops every kilometer or so. I later found out that this is not just a regular cheap-ass bus ride but also an incognito delivery service. He drops packages on houses and warehouses. Eight hours into the ride we were not even halfway to Bangkok. Asshole.
Thai Sweets at Food Stop
The driver parked at a food stop and everyone got off and made their way to different stalls in the station. I instantly had my eye on a colorful food stand which I thought was selling savory treats. It was too late to know they were actually Thai sweets. I was not in the mood to eat something with sugar at 4 in the morning but I was his last customer for the day and there’s comfort in knowing he can finally go home after a day’s worth of work.
I would not carry an entire bag of sweets with me in such an uncomfortable position. Well then, what else is left to do that offer them to my seatmate? The plan played out perfectly as she was already back on the seat when I boarded back on the bus. I smiled at her and said my first words to the stranger, “would you like some Thai sweets?”. She looks like a Thai local and I was not quite sure if she understood me. But she gave me her biggest smile and that made me feel like she’s been waiting for these words all along.
Sentar is Her Name
Sentar is her name, she told me after finishing a green Thai sweet I gave her. She was from Myanmar but now lives in the United States with her husband. Recalling a conversation after three years, I will surely forget some details including where she lives. All I remember is that Sentar now lives in a state with winter and told me her dogs love playing in the snow. I’ve never experienced winter and saw real snow.
The civil unrest in Myanmar is at its peak during this time. I became more interested about Sentar’s life after telling me she was born there. Myanmar is the country I was looking forward to visiting for a long time and the only one I couldn’t visit on this Southeast Asia backpacking trip because of the military junta’s forced takeover. Of course, I’ll be interested to know what the country is like, and I am lucky that I am getting some insider perspective from a local.
The conversation flowed naturally. Sentar showed me pictures of her recent trip to Kanchaburi where she visited a famous waterfall with her childhood best friend and family from Yangon. She also really enjoyed eating seafood because it was cheap and comparing the prices to where she lives in the states, she said the price was peanuts. She had too much and had a mild stomach upset after. She’s quite funny.
Peonies, Peach Tree, and a Husband
My phone was about to die at this point and Sentar offered me her powerbank. Life saver. Now I need to talk to her more. It may sound like it felt to me like talking to her was a chore in return for the favor, but really, I became more interested as we went on.
She showed me pictures of her peonies of different colors, her many dogs, and shared that she is taking care of a peach tree which has become famous in her small neighborhood for bearing sweet fruits. During harvest time, Sentar and her husband love sharing fruits with the neighbors. I think she’s a really sweet woman.
The mention of a husband has become frequent by now, so I politely asked her if she’s traveling with him. Sentar said the husband is not much of an adventure seeker, unlike her who is the opposite. That said, she is a 50 year-old traveling around with a backpack on her own. She wants to live life to the fullest, and the absence of her partner on her adventures doesn’t really bother her that much, Sentar told me.
“Do You Have Kids?”
If the husband is not a problem, then I thought maybe having her kids around should at least be a consideration for her travel plans. It’s not too common to see a woman of her age flying to the other side of the world on her own. Well, at least I am speaking from my limited knowledge of the world. From what I’ve seen from my mom and her friends from the Philippines, motherhood is a life-long commitment. None of them did solo travel when the kids emptied the nest.
I perfectly knew it’s not polite to stick my nose in other people’s affairs, but I knew I had to ask Sentar about her kids. Lately my future has been heavy on me, and one of the things that keep me awake at night is the life after all these travel pleasures. This is my first time to travel outside the Philippines, and I sure am still in a honeymoon stage with this lifestyle – everything tastes, feels, and looks incredible because it’s new.
Baby Carriers are Scary
Honestly, it scares me a bit when I see couples traveling around with their baby carriers. I met so many of them all over Thailand and would always put myself in their shoes – 37 degrees celsius outside with some baby carrier on the back doesn’t sound too impressive to me. My 50 liter backpack is already heavy with all my clothes and an oldie but goodie hair iron. There is no place for the baby.
I remember the times in my childhood. We would play house and I would be so pissed when I had to be a mother in our little role-playing game. I knew what I wanted to be at a very young age and being a mother is not one of them.
Sentar on Motherhood
Sentar said she does not have kids – never wanted nor tried to make one. Her dogs are everything to her life, particularly a black dog she calls ‘precious’. She looked happy answering my question which surprised me because, honestly, I expected to catch a tinge of sadness from her response.
As women, our minds are conditioned from the time we develop consciousness until we reach a certain age that the completion of womanhood is reaching motherhood. If I was in my right mind, I would ask her, “What is wrong with you, Sentar? Doesn’t this question make you sad?”
But here on my side I see a woman shaped by a decision to go off the norm and live life according to her own definition. I see the future I’ve always wanted to have but one which terrifies me a lot because of society’s conditioning that my ability to bear a child is the only way to be happy in this life.
Sentar told me she loves it this way. She feels more free and carefree and is in fact already planning her next trip. She also said she will keep doing the same thing until she turns 70 or 80 or until she still can. What a woman.
Too Tired to Sleep
A sudden commotion in the bus. Ahh, after that long ride we have reached Bangkok and everyone was rushing to go out, too fried after the agonizing 16-hour bus ride. Sentar was gone in a pace, and I became embroiled in a word-fight against taxi drivers who swarmed at us the moment we got off the bus station. A Brazilian woman, too feisty to get knocked down by these eager drivers, took me under her wing and found a tuktuk on the street together. My thoughts got lost in translation, and I momentarily forgot about Sentar.
I was tired but did not sleep much that night. Was it because I was too excited to see my first travel fling again? Could be, but I already forgot why I went to Bangkok in the first place. Something about that bus ride conversation with Sentar touched me that night – it made me feel seen.
Thank you, Sentar. I wish you could read this but it won’t reach you. I don’t even know if I spelled your name correctly. You wouldn’t even remember my name. But I wanted to tell you – I, too, don’t want to be a mother.
Post Notes
So many things changed in my perspective on motherhood since writing this piece three years ago. But I still fondly recall that conversation. I am glad I took that bus and seated next to this beautiful humanbeing.
